Friday, 3 January 2014

A new career path for me...


Hi everyone!
I’ve got some big news, and I think you should be the first to know. I’ve been considering a new career move. I mean, let’s face it, there must be more out there than stamping and brayering for 20 years? Not so long ago, I blogged a recipe, my world famous German Potato Salad, and it went down a storm. People loved it! So I got to thinking, maybe there’s room for another Celebrity Chef. I mean, I can do the TV thing, can’t I? I could easily string a sentence together and smile provocatively, whilst peeling potatoes and chopping onions. Did you know, that if you stick your tongue out whilst cutting onions, you won’t cry. See, I know things like that :p Try it! It works! It really does!
The clincher came this evening. Paul Church dropped in for a coffee, and to drop off art samples for the TV Show on Sunday, and I decided to rustle up a little snack for him. Grace and I were prepping another little speciality of mine, a big fave: Spaghetti Bolognese. But Paul’s not keen on spicy food. So I popped some sausage rolls on a baking tray and into the Aga. You know, leftovers from Christmas. The Best by date was still respectable, and Paul does like a sausage roll. Here he is waiting patiently...




I’m pretty sure he’s the sort of guy who likes his steak well done. You know, not pink. It’s all about catering to your guest, I feel. You have to know what they like, don’t you think? So I thought it best to leave the sausage rolls in a little longer than usual. 

I have to admit, there was a slight aroma of overdone coming from the oven, but that’s the wonderful thing about Agas. You can’t really smell the food until you open the oven door. Then it wafts through the kitchen. 
Well, when I finally remembered the sausages rolls were even in the oven, and Dave brought them out, Paul - once the smoke cleared and he could see them - declined graciously. 





Picky, picky, picky!


I know they are a little darker than one might hope for 
in the perfect culinary world, 
but I have to say, very airy, very light, very low-fat. 
Ideal for somebody wanting to shed those Post Christmas Pounds AND not waste the leftovers. 
But it seems that Churchie wasn’t hungry after all. 
He just could not be tempted. 
Even when I tried to play Choo choo trains with him! 
He just kept his lips tightly pursed and shook his head violently.




Dave on the other hand, will eat most things. 
I do like a grateful eater, don’t you?


So there we have it. 
Another little forking delight from Barbie’s kitchen.
I really think I may have something here...


much love from

106 comments:

  1. OMG I am crying here - the picture tutorial is ace!!!

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  2. oh bless best laugh i have had of late thanks for that

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  3. Oh dear. That is almost as good as the shrink plastic galleon...!

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  4. I am speechless and laughing! Maybe though you might want a rethink on that new career path....!!! :-) It certainly is a joy to read your blog every day. x

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  5. What a tonic your blog is Barbara....but may be you should stick with your day job...
    Great photos...looking forward to your shows on Sunday...hugs...Jo. X

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  6. Oh thats hilarious !!! Lmao X

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  7. Just don't ever change, Barb. I really needed the laugh you gave me to go to bed with. Brilliant photos and wonderful description. Perfect end to my day. Thank you. xx Maggie
    PS After the Gelli work out this morning (Thursday), my daughter's head is spinning with ideas for stencils. It still offends her not to wash the brayer after each print but she is getting there, and her creative side is in full flow.

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  8. Hi Barb,
    I have to say you have really cheered me up, I had a real good laugh reading the blog and the pictures ! Well, they say a picture tells a thousand words or something like that anyway! Well yours tell the whole book! My advice would be to stick to what you know best! Thanks for cheering me up so much. Alison xxx

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  9. Oh, Barbara, you've made my day again, so funny!! May be the Clarity way is for you after all! I would stick at what you do best, PMSL.xxxx

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  10. Oh, Barbara, you've made my day again, so funny!! May be the Clarity way is for you after all! I would stick at what you do best, PMSL.xxxx

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  11. I started off worried but you had me in stitches by the end! Not so much "Hairy Biker" as "Crafty Incinerator" maybe? ;) x

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  12. Love your pictorial step by step guide. I knew i was doing it right all these years! Just a shame my husband thinks he can cook better when folk come around!!

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  13. Only you could make so much fun out of that disaster. Love the kitchen (the long awaited one) by the way.

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  14. I don't think that Greggs will be worried about the competition! Please don't give up the day job! Thank you for making me laugh:) Your kitchen is lovely by the way.

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  15. I am still laughing my self silly. You should become a comic writer if you really want to change careers.... You are so funny. Sleep well.

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  16. I wouldn't mind , but I know for a fact that we have at least three timers in the Kitchen !
    Challenging to say the least, and look what it's done to the best silverware!
    I bet this doesn't happen in Nigella's kitchen ....Hmmmm maybe she's looking for a new job!?!
    X

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  17. Hahaha that's hilarious, you've made my night. When I first saw your blog my heart skipped a beat, nooooo Barbara can't take a turn on the career path, you're far too inspirational but by the time I got to the end I was in fits of laughter. Perhaps a sideline as a comedy genius? xx

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  18. Not many people can make me laugh out loud at 5:30 in the morning, but here I sit with tears running down my cheeks!! Whats up with Paul... A little carbon is good for you! Xxx

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  19. Well it's 6.20 am and I'm chuckling away at your poor sausage rolls, so glad I'm not the only one! A great start to my day and I bet a lot of other peoples day. Thanks Barbara x

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  20. Hi Barb, what a giggle this morning, I think you should stay as our Clarity guru. Sometimes our other halves know when not to criticize our cooking skills. Good to see Churchie again. Bx

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  21. Groovy….dont know what Paul and Dave's problem was!!! LOL What a lovely kitchen too ..can I move in??? It looks so warm and welcoming and I spied a coffee maker on the side!!! Watch out Masterchef…or even better Great British Bake Off!!!

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  22. I don't think that Mary Berry will be too perturbed by your new sideline in charred food :) At least your stamps and cards on Sunday will look better than your sausage rolls! Have a great day.

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  23. Loved it made me laugh so need that first thing in morning . Haha xxx

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  24. Barbara, you ate a comedienne !! Laughedy socks off reading this, I love the step by step action shots ... Just so funny and didn't I say you didn't need to change the recipe ? :-) Happy days xxx

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  25. So funny you should have just given him a pack of Jaffa cakes and not bothered with the cooking Barbara.
    As to a career move - err - maybe stick with the stamping a little while longer.
    Ann xxx

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  26. Ha ha! Should be the new trend....black food. I know how to cook a mean black pizza if you want the recipe. Love Dave's bent fork ! Thanks for brightening up a very dark, wet windy morning. Xx

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  27. Well I started to panic, a new career and I've only found Clarity in my life this year!!! But I needn't of worried. Hilarious I had a good chuckle, love the photos x

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  28. Hehe! Should be the new trend...black food. I can cook a mean black pizza if you want the recipe? Love Dave's bent fork too and the onion peeling tip :-p. Thanks for brightening up a dark, wet & windy morning xxx

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  29. You're wasted in the kitchen you need to write comedy!!!!!!

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  30. Just what the Doctor order a good laugh from the Barbara Gray stable. Looking at these sausage rolls though I think you better stick to the day job. The world would be a sadder place without the world of Barbara Gray and Clarity.

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  31. Good Morning Barb
    That was entertaining and a good way to start a diet!
    Have a lovely weekend and look forward to seeing you on Sunday!
    LoveMarg

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  32. Soooooooo funny, my jaw dropped when I read the title of the blog but I soon picked it up and laughed. What a star you are Miss Gray, just love this blog, your way with words, photographs, the story episodes on Tuesday's, recipes, not to mention all the fantastic artwork and tutorials, it is and should be the No 1 Crafty Blog, I have been reading everyday for awhile but today I have joined and put your button on my blog. You have really picked me up this last month after just losing my Mum at the end of October, after 10 months of illness, so I thank you for sharing this inspirational blog with all of us. I have not touched anything crafty for over six months, but I have sat and watched all six of your dvd's over my Christmas break and really enjoyed them, looking forward to Sunday's shows too. Don't want you to think you will have to read my monologues everyday, just today. Michelle xxxxxx

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  33. Brilliant - start ed my day with a smile - just proves that if you can;t laugh at yourself life's not much fun :)

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  34. Lol! That's set me up,for my first day back to work! X

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  35. You are such a tonic Barbara, wonderful to read your blog. I should stick to the stamping and brayering if I were you

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  36. I think a lot of us can identify with your tale. Best recipe there is - a good laugh. Thank you.

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  37. What a fantastic start to the day, your so funny. How ungrateful of Paul! Stick to what you know best girl. Joan x

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  38. Brings back memories for me....... so funny.....great start to the day. Thanks for sharing and thanks to everyone for their comments yesterday. J x

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  39. Barbara, That is really great, It made me laugh so much.
    Love the picture of Dave with the bent fork,
    HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all and looking forward to you show at the weekend.
    Hug lilian

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  40. Oh Barb - you cracked me up with this. I think you should stick with the day job, or go into standup comedy :-) xx

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  41. My father in law used say of his wife's cooking there were two ways it came. Well done and burnt to b*****y. I think those sausage rolls are definitely done the second way.
    Beryl xx

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  42. The best blog I've read in ages, very entertaining, thank you.
    Lin x

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  43. That post makes me smile a lot......If I could I would suggest to keep on Stamping, brayering, using Gelli plate......and make your stunning "Harteflsalad"as we say in Alsace!!!!!! Have a great day.
    Laurence xx

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  44. O so funny . Love it . I'm away at te moment but recorded your shows . Can't wait x x p

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  45. fabulous Barb - still chortling as I write this xx

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  46. Brilliant! This really made me laugh. Dave and his bent fork is super :-) thanks for sharing. Angela xx

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  47. OOh can't wait for that programme. Perhaps your co-presenter could be Dean Wilson!
    Thank you Barbara you have given me a good laugh this morning.
    Lesley

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    1. LOL! very funny Barbara. You have given me a good laugh and loved the shows on C&C. Just joined your blogspot, and I find your stamps fabulous! Great this morning with Deano!
      Amanda xx

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  48. Ha Ha , glad i not the only one that burns things!!!! Thanks for sharing that xxx

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  49. hahaha You are truly funny Barbara! I always love reading your blog, and seeing you on tv :)

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  50. Oh Barbara you certainly lighten up a dull morning!!! You had me concerned initially that you were moving on to pastures new, I was so relieved to see that Nigella wasn't going to have competition! I'm looking forward to catching the shows and seeing all the wonderful new artwork.x

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  51. Oh funny! My late father-in-law told my husband and the rest of the scouts that he lead that charcoal was good for you after he burnt the sausages on a camping trip - they survived!

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  52. So funny Barbara, it really is the way you tell them. Especially love the pic of Dave with the bent fork. Hilarious xx

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  53. Brilliant post Barbara. Keep up the great blogging.

    Ready for the show on Sunday.

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  54. Can´´t stop smiling, so funny xxx

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  55. Just so relieved I'm not the only one who forgets things are in the oven. My other trick is to forget to put them in the oven in the first place, now that does make a very low fat, low calorie mea! ;)

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  56. OMG I just sat down with a cup of tea to read your blog and I spat it all over my monitor! Wiped it down.......... still working ;) How funny I went from complete panic when I read the title of your blog to complete hysterics. Love you joy and humour. XXX

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  57. Oh crumbs you got me a bit worried there in the beginning, but that was hilarious. Not too sure you are going to make your living cooking though, still I can't talk, my husband and kids always shouted that the sausages were done when the smoke alarm went off. That really cheered me up, feeling pretty rough with a chest infection and very little sleep because of coughing. Fantastic blog, reckon you put a smile on a lot of faces today. Lynne xx

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  58. This is brilliant Barbara, you've made us all roll about laughing. I think you've definitely missed your vocation but maybe not as a chef!!! Best laugh I've had all year!!
    See you on Sunday
    Hugs Lisax

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  59. Hm, Barbara, I think I'd prefer you to stick with the stamps - you are so artistic, there are plenty more left in you yet. I can't do the brayer thing, but I get similar results with my brushes so I watch all your lessons, and I'd miss those a lot if you turned over to cookery.

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  60. Thank you so much for the belly laugh. The headline had me a bit worried at first...
    I'm with J and Stamping Bubbles-bring on Deano and the shrink plastic!

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  61. OMG! I just picked myself up off the floor rolling about laughing!!! I did think at first that you were serious!!! But as I read on, it became funnier and funnier...maybe we should call you Alfred from now on!!! And I did laugh when you refered to your cooking as a little forking delight!!! You are such a hoot Barb and thats why we all love you!! xx

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  62. Have just read ALL the above and agree with each and every comment....enough said you �� xxxx

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  63. The start of your blog made me panic as just found clarity in 2013 looking forward to a clarity 2014 .takes me back to 1975 when I burnt my first chips good to know your sticking to your day job . Love your blog
    Sheila xx

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  64. I think you should stick to what you know. You reminded me of myself there

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  65. Move over Julia Child!!! Lol !! Xxxxx

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  67. Ha Ha - did you set off the smoke alarm/dinner gong as well? I saw my friend Liz yesterday who had a party to celebrate her birthday on 21st Dec - she found the salmon en croute in her second oven yesterday - slightly green, but fortunately the oven had been turned off!!! LoL xx

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  68. Oh Barbara you really make me laugh. You've been over doing it then lol

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  69. Loved the blog story really made me giggle, but I loved Dave's bent fork the best. Has he invented a new 'fork style' or was he trying to tell you that the 'rolls' were just a tad rock hard! He wouldn't dare would he? Thank you for the really great giggle.

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  70. Ha ha ha, great story and excellent photo footage :-) x

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  71. This could be me, I laughed my head off, great to see we are all human hugs Pops x

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  72. Possibly the celeb chef will have to wait a little while!!!
    It's great to have a laugh at the mistakes!
    Lorna

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  73. Mmmmmm I bet they were tasty......not lol

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  74. Oh Yes, I did tell her, but alas 'twas to no avail...I could always use them to fill the pot holes in
    our drive. And just to think, Ouri Geller mad a heap of money out of bending cutlery back in the
    Day... I wonder what is for supper tonight.. Oh no ! It's Black Pudding ! No really....

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  75. Oh my you really would bring a delight to our screens with a show called Barb's Kitchen disasters, you really made me chuckle just what I needed on this boring horrible weather day.

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  76. I forgot I had left garlic bread in the oven, switched it on the next day and low and behold ended up with cremated garlic bread. It took days to get rid of the smell. x

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  77. This really made me giggle!!!! Fabulous.

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  78. You did make me giggle with your post today Barbara and it was just what I needed as our darling daughter and her lively hubby left to return to Canada today and I'm feeling a bit sad.

    Jackie x

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    1. Keep the Faith Jackie x My Mark went back to SF this week, and Grace goes back to NY tomorrow x Sad.

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  79. lol.............oh dear stick to stamping and brayering lol, as you can ace them.....lol

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  80. Brilliant, I haven't laughed that much in ages. Perhaps you should start writing comedy sketches???? xxx

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  81. Ha,ha, that's funny. Maybe you could sell your burnt offerings as charcoal briquettes, all is not lost. X

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  82. Looks like my cooking on a good day!

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  83. Well done! lol Maybe you could experiment with them using a clarity stencil - I think charcoal rubbings are due a revival xx

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  84. hope this works just tried to join

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  85. yes it worked i am so pleased to be part of your inspiring words xx

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  86. I thought I had already joined your page as I read it regularly but just found out that I hadn't done it properly - technology! I have now x

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  87. Move over Nigella we have Barbarella!
    X Ruth

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  88. Barbara I was in stictches, to begin with I thought you were being serious about becoming a chef!

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  89. OMG - Ruths comment was so funny - I cannot beat that, but I was amused at your tale x

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  90. Great blog Barbara, very funny. Love the pics. Keep them coming, can't wait to read tomorrow's. x

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  91. Ha ha! You had me worried there for a minute Barbara! X

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  92. Brilliant! Made me laugh on this very wet and windy evening :)
    Angela

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  93. Ooh, I'm sooo glad I don't have to worry about starting yet another hobby - I can serve up char grilled food with ease, & even have one friend who prefers blackened food - she'd have loved our sausage rolls! You've given me a good giggle today, thank you/
    I haven't blogged for ages (had technical & health problems), so it's taken me ages to remember how to add buttons but I've now successfully added your button to my blog:-)

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  94. Ha ha, guess we've all had similar culinary incidents along the way, please don't give up the stamping and brayering just yet!

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  95. lol! I thought you were sharing a chocolate brownie recipe :-P

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  96. Love it Barbara....so glad to see it isn't just me who struggles cooking sausage rolls, lol...love the blog xxx

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  97. This did make me laugh - thank you.

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  98. yes this did make me laugh and i think when you're talking crafting maybe you should forget about cooking. i know when i try either one or the other or both go wrong as i don't concentrate properly on anything. so please do not give up your day job as yet xx

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  99. What about some sausage rolls for the club members, who come to visit you at the SECC in March? But perhaps a little less well done LOL. x

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  100. Excellent-simply excellent. X

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Thank you for your kind messages and I hope you get inspiration from my ramblings.

Barb x